Day 121: What Donald Trump’s Inevitable Resignation Speech Will Sound Like

My fellow Americans,

It has been a tremendous honor to serve as your president. Unfortunately, this job has put great strain on my family. I must resign for personal reasons — but know that whatever fake news says about me is all lies. I am totally innocent of the things they’re saying and I am leaving solely for personal reasons that I will fully explain at a later time.

We have accomplished so much. The stock market hit all-time highs. They said it couldn’t be done, folks but we proved them wrong. We proved them wrong.

We brought back jobs to workers. And the vets! The vets have been — folks, when I took office, morale was so low among vets. Not anymore.

I got a Supreme Court justice, who has been terrific. They said I couldn’t — I have been treated so unfairly by the media.

We shored up our borders and kept the bad hombres out. America is safer than ever!

I met with so many world leaders, some who didn’t even want to meet with previous presidents. America has never been more respected worldwide.

ISIS has been killed, basically everywhere. If not for Barack Obama allowing them to grow, we would’ve done even better, believe me. Believe me. But we did terrific and the generals have done an incredible job.

My promise was to Make America Great Again. I did that. America is great again, big league.



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