Day 1,388: Election loser Trump continues to insist he won as team holds bizarre press conference at landscaping company in ‘Four Seasons’ mishap

2 min readNov 8, 2020


Networks called the race for Biden while Trump was playing golf.

The 2020 presidential election has been over for days. Donald Trump had no path to victory, but television networks, in an overabundance of caution continued to hold their formal call until Saturday.

Perfectly apropos, Trump was on the golf course while TV networks announced their call that Joe Biden would be the next president.

An irate Trump continued to insist on social media that he won an election that he most certainly did not and alleged some type of unproven fraud.

Meanwhile, content to see the shitshow through to the bitter end, his team announced a press conference to be held at the “Four Seasons” in Philadelphia. Only it turns out that they meant the “Four Seasons Total Landscaping” business in northern Philadelphia — adjacent to an erotic book store and cremation center — and not the luxury hotel.

For a moment, Four Seasons Total Landscaping and the nearby Fantasy Island Adult Bookstore, which one Yelp reviewer called “a creepy place,” were a punchline. And then they were a metaphor. Until, as the minutes ticked on, they grabbed their bizarro place in the history books.

For it was there that the team Trump put together to turn the tides of the election — Rudy Giuliani, Pam Bondi, and Corey Lewandowksi — stood when the call came down. Joe Biden was deemed president-elect, putting an end to days of waiting and ballot counting on top of the months of campaigning that preceded it.

Trump’s team — hardly an A-list of legal stalwarts — brushed it aside with a mix of shrugs, clenched fists, and a forced determination to flood the courts with their complaints. Speaking over the distant, dulcet tones of “Sweet Child of Mine,” a teal-painted wall and garage door adorned with Trump-Pence signs as their backdrop, Giuliani claimed that the election in Pennsylvania and other states was marred by fraud.

Standing in front of a dirty garage door covered with hastily adorned Trump signs, an unhinged Rudy Giuliani looked to the heavens and mocked “all the networks” that called the election over, saying courts may decide to “set aside the entire election.”

A bit off from George Custer, Trump’s last stand began off a dingy industrial road with the head of his legal team yelling to the sky like a lunatic.

1,388 days in, 74 to go

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